What Are the Roots That Clutch

What Are the Roots That Clutch

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The Thorns in my Mind

Father Conrad of the Franciscan Friars of Renewal spoke at our church on Wednesday night. One of the interesting things he said was that he heard something quite interesting while watching a video interview of an exorcist. The interviewer asked the exorcist that he must spend a great deal of time in prayer before doing an exorcism. I will paraphrase what the Father said. He said, "Not really. I spend far more time preparing for mass. For in an exorcism I am simply meeting a demon; in the mass I am meeting Christ."

It echoes my thoughts on how one should spend some time dwelling too long in the shadow of evil. I meditated on this last night during Mass. I decided to focus my mind on the wounds of Christ. First with the right hand, then the left, then the feet, and side, and finally the head crowned with thorns. As I worked on this meditation I could feel some effects at each spot except one. When I tried to visualize a crown of thorns on my head there was no effect there.

I pondered that for some time why that could be. Finally I realized why there was no feeling there: the thorns were inside my head already causing me pain and grief for quite some time. Realizing that was quite a shock to me.

Course now, I have a tougher issue of pulling sed thorns from my mind. Somehow, I think this means a little extra therapy and prayer this month. Well, it's better then using pliers I'd imagine.

Posted by Kevin at 03/17/2006 - 09:01 -

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Seeing God

All my life I had been too terrified to hear God's voice. So, God in His infinite wisdom gave me limited hearing; He also gave me the ability, and desire, to see His works.

I soaked in the world seeing the world as God intended until I was six-years-old. One night not being able to sleep I went to the bathroom and looked up outside and saw a star in the shape of a cross: a beautiful and holy sight.

I told my grand uncle, also a priest, about this sight that weekend. He said, "It means that you will be a priest." I did not hear that of course. What I heard was, "You are to submit to someone else's whims!"

It was at that point that while I continued to see the sights of God in this world, I also started to see more clearly the sights of sin too: a new phenomenon.

Of course J.R.R. Tolkien is correct in that if you spend too long in studying the evils of this world it will have no choice but to infect one's self. Overtime, I started to see less of God and only myself. It happened gradually although there were always warning signs, even a car crash, but still I was beyond that point of return.

The funny thing that was occurring as I started to lose my sight, I started to hear things again. I wasn't sure what they were, but there were stirrings in my head that there was something amiss. The roots were beginning to dry up and crack, that vague sense, the feeling that is summed up in one word: hypocrite.

So college progressed and the murmurings became louder till finally God gave me one last sight: my brother's wedding. Not only that but he gave me a front row seat as a best man. After that the volume was turned up so loud I was unable to see lest any new image overwhelm my senses.

I begged and prayed for release and finally the volume went down to managable levels again. However, that was just the start of my journey. There is much to relearn and take care of, but gradually my sight is returning. What is better is I don't fear the voices anymore, although I am rather nervous still and tend to most of the talking, only letting in His voice in snippets.

I hope He understands that, but regardless I know that a reckoning is on the way: I am looking forward to it.

Posted by Kevin at 03/13/2006 - 08:46 -

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